So, my phone has begun to malfunction. Fortunately, it's still in warrantee, but that warrantee runs out before the semester ends. Here's a little backstory. Click HERE to skip, and get to my advice.

When I first got my phone, I got a Nokia 6102. Once a month, the thing would wig out and refuse to function properly. By the third time, I got fed up with this, and demanded that Cingular replace my phone with a different make and model, since this series was giving me such a poor track record. After about three hours on the phone, being bumped from person to person, jumping from tech support eventually to a public relations manager, I was allowed to "upgrade," provided I returned the phone for $70 credit (70% of the phone's value), and purchased a new phone at the one year contract price (the prices you see advertised are always the two year contract prices, usually with a data plan attached).

My experience with Cingular there has proven to me that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. In the highly competitive world of cellular service, they have to have a decent support squad, or face losing customers. These companies seem quite daunting, but they'll be quite willing to be flexible to keep you.

First: Be Confident. They cannot and will not cancel your account because you're unhappy with them. The company doesn't care if you like them or not, so long as you keep your contract. In this department, you've got nothing to lose. Be vocal about how unhappy you are, and feel free to express how much trouble you've had, with a complete history.

Second: Climb The Chain Of Command. If you're getting nowhere with a particular associate, or they claim their hands are tied, ask to talk to their supervisor or manager. Usually they have a bit more clout, but because they are higher echelon employees, their customer interaction skills are less up to snuff, and may treat you less intelligently, so make sure you reiterate that you're not a moron.

Third: Rage Against The Machine/Demand a Human. Zero will usually take you straight to a human, so you can skip over the maze of menus. Keep in mind, you'll likely be on hold for a bit, so make sure you have a comfortable handset or headset (my personal preference), and something to do while you're on hold.

Fourth: Be Prepared! Have a bill on hand, and know the last four digits of the account holder's social security numbers (if you're dealing with anything involving an account, it's likely that that information and/or the account number will be required to do anything productive. This is a security issue, so don't bother trying to force it.)

Fifth: Be Proactive, But Not Angry. This might seen contradictory to the first bit of advice, but not really. Be very polite, and calm, but still be verbal. You can deliver information without being overly emotional. This makes it far less likely that you're going to be hung up on, and actually get somewhere. Be rational.

Sixth: Be Flexible. Usually when warrantees are involved, they're manufacturer warrantees, and the company you're speaking with isn't able to really do much to change that. The company will be willing to jump through a few hoops, but don't expect them to bend to your will. You'll have to be willing to comprimise. It's highly unlikely you'll get something for nothing, but you can at least try to reduce your losses.

Seventh: Recognize Good Service. If a particular agent is being particularly helpful, make sure you acknowledge that. Be very polite and nice. A good agent should acknowledge their own shortcomings, such as letting you know that they have limited information on certain items, like a warranty agent acknowledging that they have little data on your options under an upgrade policy, and recommending you to the appropriate department.

Eight: Be Patient. Don't even think of trying to do this without a lot of time to blow. You'll be weighing all your options and be sitting on hold a lot. You're going to want a comfortable handset or headset (All non-Nokia cell phone headsets should function with the headset jacks on household phones, this includes headsets for the XBox, and vise versa). Make the call somewhere comfortable, with something to do while you wait. Just try not to get too absorbed in your time waster. Make sure it's a pick-up-and-go kind of thing, like a sixty second game of Lumines, a few pages of the newspaper, or an episodic television show (as opposed to a serial style show). Make sure all battery operated devices are fully charged, it could be a while. Oh, and make sure you have some sort of note taking implement handy, you'll likely be taking down a lot of phone numbers, department names, agent names, and details with your issue.

Nine: Don't Be Impulsive. Weigh your options, then come back to it. Deal with all the available data, and make your decision after hanging up. You should have collected a decent mass of data, with as much detail as possible. If you're willing to sit, and think rationally, you'll probably end up with a much better deal than impulsively jumping on the flashiest option.